Context: There is a strange phenomenon running rampant in our society in which boys have decided that it is a good thing to be fuckboys. THIS IS WRONG. IT IS A BAD THING. I present you with evidence to support my case for the “self-identifying fuckboy.” If you have any similar experiences with a fuckboy, please send your screenshots to TinderDistrict@gmail.com. Together, we can cure this horrible, debilitating disease.

The Thanksgiving Fuckboy


…and then, before I could respond with a “Why on EARTH would I say yes to that?!” he unmatched me. Such a shame, because tbh I thought he was quite adorable and it was so cool that we had mutual friends.

PS yes friends I am writing a book, Fall 2017 may have been a wee bit ambitious BUT it is coming!!!

The ‘Icebreakers are my muse’ Fuckboy

You know what, Eric? Great answer. I think I’d be a Wheat Bran and Sawdust cookie, particularly when dry as the fucking Sahara and trapped in your throat so you can’t try to seduce girls with weird cookie metaphors.

Why are boys like this?

The Hooker-Seeking Fuckboy

This is back when I was doing my Holiday Party Bae thang, and just for the record, Package #1 was the cheaper option where you didn’t have to buy me a bottle of tequila. So, a) if you wanted even the slightest chance of my accepting your advances, you probably shouldn’t be so damn cheap, and b) NO. NO NO NO. NOOOO.

I just hate you.

Now, this is just a sampling of the things that have hit my inbox over the past few months. But – lest you think it is the males who have all the power – let me remind you that ladies can be fuckboys too.

Idiot.

True story cuz I’m the worssssst

And don’t forget, ladies – if you ever think the guy you’re dating is acting shady, it’s probably because he is. Women have a 6th sense for this shit. 20 bucks says if you go through his inbox, it’ll look a lot like this:

Ugh. Kevin. Kevins are the worst. Almost as bad as Chads, or – the epitome of fuckboy – Chaz.

XOXO,
Jesse