Context: I matched with ‘Scarf’ on Hinge and chatted with him for a while before he invited me out for a drink on a Friday night. We met at A Bar + Kitchen in Foggy Bottom.

Let’s chat for a second about fashion choices.

Scarves on women? LOVE EM! They provide a chance to both accessorize like the fashion plate I am and hide any hickies or necklace rashes (TMI?) I may have accumulated in the preceding week. Also a great accessory to have in the back pocket in cases of boob starers.

Scarves on men? Less enthused. While I do enjoy a good game of ‘Gay or European?’ from time to time, this is generally not a game I would like to play on my dates. Games I DO enjoy include having a man prepare food for me while I do absolutely nothing. But that’s a second date shenanigan, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

scarf

I arrived at A Bar (this is a vague-ass name which is super DGAF and I love it) and texted my date that I was standing outside. He approached me, and upon first impression I noticed three things:
1) TALL. YAY.
2) Scarf. NAY.
3) Greasy, slicked back hair that seemed slightly effeminate, or maybe European? And then he spoke…
4) Voice. Definitely gay.* Not European.

*Just wanted to say now that some of my absolute best friends are gay and I love them and treat them no differently than my other friends… just a jarring thing to find on a date, especially one arranged through a dating app?!

Eh, he was cute enough, and I always love talking to new people! We headed inside and took a seat at one of the comfy chairs, and ordered some wine. Scarf LOVED wine. Maybe this was actually a match made in heaven??

wine

Scarf was also a MAJOR wallet. My #menarewallets2016 senses started tingling the second he mentioned that he went to an Ivy League for undergrad, and was currently in Law School at my esteemed alma mater (taking the semester off to do nonprofit law work). He also grew up in a gated community in a very nice area of Maryland, and went to a $$$ Northern Virginia private school (I made a joke about having been one of the ‘peasants’ in Fairfax County Public Schools, and he looked genuinely concerned for my upbringing. I’M GOOD NO WORRIES).

Now privy to this knowledge, I gulped down my $10 glass of chardonnay and the waitress immediately replaced it with another. I could deal with this!

The first awkward moment came when we were talking about our parents, and I brought up a text that my mom had sent me the night before:

text

HI POLITICS THANKS FOR FUCKING ME OVER AGAIN HA HA HA

He seemed taken aback that I was bringing up this other potential romantic interest.
S – I better pick up some Rosetta Stone on the way home, then, so I can have a chance!
J – *Confused; nervous giggling, heavy wine sipping*

I had mentioned that I had to be home before 9PM because I was hosting a pregame, and when we were wrapping up our third glasses of wine he asked where I was going that night.
TRUTH: Two gay bars (Nellie’s and Town) with three of my best gay friends.
LIE I TOLD TO AVOID UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION: “U Street!”
MY DATE’S RESPONSE TO CONFIRM MY SUSPICIONS: “I don’t go to U Street that often, but I really love Nellie’s!”

Hmmmmmm.

I slunk off to the bathroom and texted my friends A and BP that I was 98% sure my date was gay:

text2

I did not try this technique.

I returned to the table to find that the check had been paid, and Scarf was very fixated on his snapchat.
S – While you were gone, I’ve been doing great things for the art world by capturing this snap of a woman flaunting her selfie stick!

The snap in question had been put through a filter and was expertly captioned and geotagged.

WE’RE GOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS.

friends

As we left the bar, I expected him to head with me towards the metro, but he stayed in place.
S – Yeah it’s kinda late so I’m gonna Uber!
WALLET LIFE.

I am decidedly NOT a wallet, so I hugged him and headed back to the Metro, hopping off just as my friends arrived at my apartment. I decided there was no one with better gaydar than these three, so I showed them his profile.

gaydar

1st picture: He’s cute!
2nd picture: Well, hmm… he could be European?
3rd-9th picture: Yep, he likes men.
10th picture: Holy shit, I think I’ve seen this guy on Grindr!

We’ll see if he ever texts me, I guess!

XOXO,
J