Context: New in a city and desiring tall, dark, and handsome company.

They say that opposites attract. As a pale redhead of average height, I might have to agree.  So when “Shirtless in Bollywood” matched with me, I thought fate was working its magic. I’d never met anyone from Tinder before, but I was in a new city, didn’t know anyone, and was lonely, to be #real. The prospects got even better when “Bollywood” was stranded in the airport and called to chat with me for THREE HOURS. That’s right. 6+ episodes of ‘Friends’ on Netflix. This boy learned everything from my professional goals (gentlemen seeking a housewife, please swipe left) to my not-so-secret obsession with the Little Mermaid. I did mention I’m a redhead, right? Although I was a little apprehensive to meet up with a random stranger, I pumped up with “The Motto” by Drake and let him pick me up and take me out on the town in Charlotte, NC.

Imagine my surprise when my date texts to say he’s 5 minutes away (hopefully texting while at a stoplight, kids) and I head out of my apartment to see a PORSCHE in the parking lot of my apartment complex. P-O-R-S-C-H-E. There is no way in hell my 24 year old date is driving an expensive sports car, so I turn back to my dinner of Ramen and 2-buck-chuck. I hear my name called out from an open window and black out from shock. When I black back in, I have a plate of Thai food in front of me. Mama, I made it. With the help of his masculine charm, and my weakness for ethnic fellows, he persuades me to accompany him back to his apartment with promises that I could introduce him to Game of Thrones. Winter is coming, if I do say so myself.

So, I’ve found the Eric to my Ariel, right? Hahaha, NO. This guy acts like he just walked off the set of Jersey Shore. He’s obsessed with this image of being a high rolling partier, says “GTL” on all too regular a basis, and sports a self-important attitude that he is a crucial element of the investment banking practice at Wells Fargo. Add a significant sized chip on his shoulder because his mommy made her first million bucks at 26 and, at 24, he was getting close to that deadline. This boy had to consult YouTube how to use a DISHWASHER when he moved into his first apartment because he had never had those responsibilities before. I didn’t sign up to date an equal… I ended up seeing a kid who needed his ego stroked. Not only that, but his life plan didn’t exactly involve me having aspirations. I’m planning to run the world, dammit!!

ariel-i-want-more

Well I have my own ego, and its not founded on fluff. Am I coming to visit you back in Charlotte? Haha, no thanks. I’m sure there are girls who would fall all over your nice car and high rise apartment. But until you are supporting your own lifestyle or get your ego in check, I’m out.

Hope your Tinder catches fire, L