The favorite saying of librarians/life coaches/ugly people everywhere does hold some weight. But NOT when it comes to dating apps. Behold, some photos this week that have caused me to lose faith in humanity:

today7

First of all, get your tongue back in your mouth, boy. I don’t want to see that until at least date #2, IF you’re lucky. Second, your bio… what? Isn’t that the point of Tinder? This is not an equal-swipe-opportunity playground, my friend. The world of Tinder is ruthless. I wish you and your overexcited tongue the best.

today3

Honestly, this doesn’t sound half bad. Chicken nuggets are nothing without honey mustard, and I woke up spooning an empty pizza box this morning, so I clearly have good feelings about both involved parties. But this is your Bumble* DEFAULT PIC. This is supposed to make me want to love you and kiss you and eat honey mustard pizza (or regular pizza…?) with you forever, and really all I want to do is ask for your dealer’s number because you are clearly getting something good. Anyway, left swipe.

*I rejoined Bumble in a fit of rage on Monday and I still hate it. Ugh.

today4

THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY TO BE A PSYCHOPATH. Next.

today6

…wait, how did this get in here? I think I may have screenshotted this for… personal reasons, not for the blog. MOVING ON.

today5

NO WORDS.

Where have all the good men gone?!

XOXO,
J