J: Pics or it didn’t happen

I’m tired.

Don’t roll your eyes at me, guys. I’m, like, really tired. So much, in fact, that one of my dates last night so kindly pointed it out to me, adding a sour note to my glass of chardonnay.

He said something to the effect of “you look exhausted.” I’m honestly not sure how he knew that, because I looked phenomenal, but I trusted him because he was paying for my meal.

And, he was right! I had spent 11 hours at work the day before, and come home to drink an entire bottle of wine while I watched Charlie St. Cloud and sobbed (ZAC EFRON 5EVA).

I took a long, hard look at my life. Am I really upset/angry/loopy/whatever negative emotion has been permeating my life recently, or am I just tired? Is the real reason I don’t have Ass Like Serena (yet) because my preferred serving of wine is a bottle, or because I’m lucky to get 5 hours of sleep a night? I honestly didn’t know.

So, I’m going to sleep. And, since I have determined through extensive experimentation that writing while sleeping is difficult, I will just post some of the highlights of my dating app experience over the past few weeks. Enjoy!

…ok, buddy…

 

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When I allow my guy friends to Bumble for me…

This guy’s bio was “Just started going to the gym.” My friend K decided to share in the joy of new experiences.

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Who knew there were this many yellow food emojis?

The nice guys…

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Emoji game on FLEEK

…and the not so nice guys.

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Sundar Pichai/Sergey Brin/Larry Page? Is that you?!
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Alpha as FUCK, dude.
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BUT EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL UNTIL YOU DROPPED THE PERVERT BOMB

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SOS SOS ABORT MISSION

What a time to be alive.

XOXO,
J

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