I’m tired.

Don’t roll your eyes at me, guys. I’m, like, really tired. So much, in fact, that one of my dates last night so kindly pointed it out to me, adding a sour note to my glass of chardonnay.

He said something to the effect of “you look exhausted.” I’m honestly not sure how he knew that, because I looked phenomenal, but I trusted him because he was paying for my meal.

And, he was right! I had spent 11 hours at work the day before, and come home to drink an entire bottle of wine while I watched Charlie St. Cloud and sobbed (ZAC EFRON 5EVA).

I took a long, hard look at my life. Am I really upset/angry/loopy/whatever negative emotion has been permeating my life recently, or am I just tired? Is the real reason I don’t have Ass Like Serena (yet) because my preferred serving of wine is a bottle, or because I’m lucky to get 5 hours of sleep a night? I honestly didn’t know.

So, I’m going to sleep. And, since I have determined through extensive experimentation that writing while sleeping is difficult, I will just post some of the highlights of my dating app experience over the past few weeks. Enjoy!

…ok, buddy…

 

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When I allow my guy friends to Bumble for me…

This guy’s bio was “Just started going to the gym.” My friend K decided to share in the joy of new experiences.

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Who knew there were this many yellow food emojis?

The nice guys…

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Emoji game on FLEEK

…and the not so nice guys.

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Sundar Pichai/Sergey Brin/Larry Page? Is that you?!

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Alpha as FUCK, dude.

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BUT EVERYTHING WAS GOING SO WELL UNTIL YOU DROPPED THE PERVERT BOMB

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SOS SOS ABORT MISSION

What a time to be alive.

XOXO,
J