Sunday Scaries on an actual Sunday? How novel!
For real, though, guys, this is the first Sunday in quite some time where I’m legitimately terrified for it to be Monday. I have to, like, work tomorrow? And not sleep in and leisurely do yoga and hit on guys at coffee shops and mourn the fact that all I can eat is soup*? What is this world coming to?!
Unfortunately, technology hasn’t really advanced to the point where we can skip days of the week entirely. No, that power is reserved for alcohol, and I like my job too much to get fired for showing up blackout. Sooo let’s talk about the shit that happened this week!
1. I can only eat liquids and it’s ruining my life
Back in the very first Sunday Scaries (aww! mems!) I talked about how binge-watching Kaitlyn Bristowe’s season of Bachelorette has improved my life by introducing me to her podcast, Off the Vine. Well, that’s not all it did – staring at beautiful dentist Chris Strandburg’s face
every week for 20 hours straight made me realize that I needed to reclaim my dental health. I was also reminded that Nick Viall is the scum of the Earth. Not that I had forgotten.
This led me to find SPA Dental, which is the BEST DENTIST EVER. Seriously. The practitioners are so sweet and knowledgeable, the ambiance is so lovely, and they give out Milano cookies (seems cavity-inducing?), Voss water, and Perrier. Hellloooooo can I please live here, thanks.
So, in addition to the routine dental stuff, I also decided to get my front teeth filed down and my very vampire-like canines capped. Hooray for dental insurance!
I went in for my caps last Monday, where the dentist laid this on me: shipping for my new crowns takes 3 weeks, and I can’t eat solid foods while I’m in my temporaries.
…I’m sorry, say what? No solid foods?? What will I do?!
Well, it’s been a full week now, and I’ve determined that I can survive. I just eat a lot of soup and yogurt and smoothies, am perpetually hungry, and get drunk INCREDIBLY quickly. But I’ve already lost 5 pounds! Yay starvation??
This “get drunk quickly” thing is nothing to sneeze at, though. Which brings me to…
2. Getting drinks with my trivia co-host re-taught me what chemistry is
Remember that date I had last Monday, with a guy I met at a friend’s party? Well, it went well! I almost missed part of the Bachelor because we were at Recessions for so long, which says a LOT. However, when it came time for our 2nd date on Wednesday, I wasn’t feeling 100%… so I cancelled. It was much better to relax, try to feel better, and binge watch New Girl.
Then, Thursday came around. As mentioned in the post for Dating Tip #6, I co-hosted trivia with an incredibly gorgeous guy, had another drink with him after trivia at Roofers Union, then accompanied him to Amsterdam Falafel (which I watched him eat while I starved because, you know, the no solid food thing), and then drank with him for another 2.5 hours at Jack Rose. Diiiid I mention I didn’t have dinner? Yikes. This was bad news bears.
But, just feeling the chemistry between us and how well our conversation flowed showed me that things would never work out between me and the other guy. No matter how hard we may try, you can’t replicate that instant chemistry you have (like I also had with Michelin Man, among others).
Soooo… I’m supposed to go on another date with boy-from-party this afternoon… and I think I’m going to cancel for good. Partially because of aforementioned chemistry issue, partially because I want to gym and clean my room, and partially because I’m not very impressed with his date-planning skills:
PB – Hey, wanna watch football with me on Sunday?
J – Haha… sports.
PB – Come on, it’s the championship weekend!
J – Ok… I guess…
*3 days later*
PB – Hey, I’ll probably post up at a bar starting at 3:30 for the Vikings game, you should come join me!
^^^THIS IS THE MOST LOW EFFORT PLANNING EVER. This some girlfriend shit. Boys, please don’t do this. Consider a girl’s interests when planning a date. If you get a “Haha… sports” then maybe don’t ask her to watch sports with you? Just a thought.
3. I think I’m on The Bachelor now?
And finally, in Instagram-related news, I posted the following meme post-Bachelor on Monday:
Umm, 1,616 likes? Who am I, the Queen of England? I barely have 700 followers! Anyway, even weirder than how much this took off is the fact that both Wells Adams and Iggy Rodriguez (former contestants, for the uncultured) COMMENTED ON IT. AHHH! I managed to play it super cool, of course.
And, in weirder news, Arie himself liked a SEPARATE one of my Instagrams. So, like… am I on The Bachelor now? Is that how this works? Mike Fleiss, please advise.
Well, that’s all we have today, babes! It’s an hour before the date I’m not going on, which is plenty of time to cancel, right?! Thanks for the reassurance. Love you bunches!