Context: My friend MC recently graduated from grad school (YEAH GO MC), and has embarked on a journey through the “summer of YES” in which she has started saying ‘yes’ and going out more. Hence, her saying ‘HELL YEAH’ to my request to get silly drunk off margaritas one Wednesday night at El Centro. And, of course, Wednesday night drinking turns into Tindering… which worked out pretty well for MC that night! Take it away, girl!

Hey TD readers! If you’re anything like me, you’ll agree that the most fun part of Tinder is getting messages from weirdos. However, if you’re trying to “have standards” and “find love,” you will often find yourself bypassing that Community College student wearing the unicorn onesie (who would have written you sonnets. SONNETS!!) for the fuckboy in the frat tank (#sunsoutgunsout) who will likely have nothing better to say than “sup.” It’s a missed opportunity, folks.

fuckboy

Well, I’m here to solve this problem. The next time you’re getting on Tinder, swap phones with a friend. Your friend will have less discerning taste when his/her own love life is not on the line – heck, they may even swipe right for everyone! This is the situation J and I found ourselves in this one fateful night at El Centro, when she matched me with Micah.* 
Micah: Truth or dare?
J: DARE
M: Write me a love poem using my name

*Micah is his pseudonym because he acts JUST like my boss of the same name! It’s just a little bit super duper weird.

back away slowly

Now, J’s poem is a leeeettle bit too inappropriate for the interwebs, but might I say she can get VERY creative after a few margaritas?!

Not dissuaded by “my” lack of poetic grace, Micah and I continued to banter back and forth for a few days, quickly falling into a rhythm of calling the other ‘babe’ and ‘hun.’ Look how good I am at couple-y things!!!

love

Micah and I decided to meet up that Sunday afternoon at the National Portrait Gallery, a seemingly innocuous place for the date and somewhere I wasn’t likely to get murdered! #goals. After 20 minutes of chit chat, Micah admitted to me that he had been super nervous for our date because he thought I wouldn’t be as fun in person. Joke’s on you, bitch! I’m awesome 😉

As we sat on the balcony of the Portrait Gallery, watching groups of tweenagers file in and out of the National Spy Museum, Micah made his next move.
M: So… what should we do now?
MC: *silence*
Thots don’t offer suggestions.

thot

In the end, I agreed to go to Woodley Park to see the pandas, but mostly because he promised to make me dinner and offered me a ride home. So, yeah, I was going to his place, and yeah, I was kind of scared I would get murdered, but… pandas and a home-cooked meal! How could I say no?!

high fiving angels

And, let me tell you, kid was a winner. After a seemingly *impromptu* pasta dinner (which I really think was the plan all along – no man keeps fresh cut flowers on the table at all times…), I got a back massage as I flipped through a bomb-dot-com Lonely Planet Travel Guide. By this point, though, I had spent 5 hours with the guy, and Game of Thrones waits for NO GIRL, so I stopped our make-out session short and finagled a ride home.

As we made our way home, he told me he’d like to see me again. He then followed up with a text – asking to make me dinner the NEXT DAY. Calm your dick, man. I politely declined the dinner invitation, as I had conflicting plans (aka another Tinder date – summer of YES, y’all!).

you are not special

So, the jury is still out as to whether I’ll let him cook me dinner again. But, who am I to turn down a home-cooked meal and a back massage? Girl has needs!

X’s and O’s,
MC