J, TDR Dating Challenge

TDR Dating Challenge: Second Chances (Day 10)


Oh, what’s that? I have to tell you what the tip is first? Details.

Tip #10: For the next 20 days, be more open to giving people second dates. Remember, the point of this challenge is to find lasting romance – you won’t find that if you only give people a first chance. When deciding whether to go on a second date, as yourself 2 questions – are you remotely attracted to them, and did they seem kind? If the answer to both is yes, give them a second date.

Ok, well if you’re challenging me to this, then I’m going to challenge boys to STOP INVITING ME TO WATCH SPORTS FOR A SECOND DATE.

Okay, so yeah. I’m notoriously bad at scheduling and following through on second dates. And for good reason! Remember my horrific second date with Ohio where even the El Centro bartender commented that I seemed miserable? Or my second date with Syracuse that I wanted to end after one drink, and then he ordered DINNER and insisted on driving me home? Yeah.

Plus, I’ve done this challenge before! In the winter of 2016, so frustrated by the number of second dates that were just Netflix & Chill, I wrote this piece where I mourned the loss of real dates that had been replaced by hookups. Now older and wiser, I know that those were not dates. Those guys were not looking to date. Those guys were fuckboys. Wow, how was I that naïve?

Woof. Now that I’ve sufficiently let out my hatred for garbage men (not to be confused with garbage men, like, the occupation), let’s move on to the good parts of this tip!

So, first of all, yes. You need to have second dates to move on to third, fourth, etc and build a relationship (if that’s what you want!). That is fundamentally true.

However, I (like many others) operate on a chemistry and attraction basis. If you talk to a guy for an hour over a couple drinks and there’s nothing there, then why should you waste your time on a second date that’s going nowhere when you could be doing yoga, or reading a book, or binge watching Alone Together? (Which, by the way, is an amazing show that you should all watch so we can talk about it kk).

On the other hand, when you spend 5 hours at a bar having an amazing time with someone, of course you’ll want a second date. It’s that initial attraction and connection that get you excited to see this person again… and again… and again. So, to this tip, I say – yes, give more chances. Be open, don’t expect someone to check every box initially. But… don’t waste your time on second dates with people you know aren’t going to work out. You’ll just end up faking a dinner party and running to hide in Trader Joe’s to escape your date.

…or maybe that’s just me?


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