It’s that time again! Time for today’s incredibly useful dating tip brought to you by Three Day Rule and by me laying in bed until the last possible moment before I have to leave for work, yelling at Alexa. Ah, technology.
Check out the other tips and corresponding posts here!
Tip #5: Not sure how to say goodbye after a first date? End the date with a hug. Avoid handshakes, high fives, or fist bumps. Regardless of whether the date was good or bad, hugging is the adult thing to do.
Wait… people go in for high fives or fist bumps after dates? SOS. That’s like when I visited the boy I was in love with one summer in college, and when I left to head to the airport he said goodbye by not moving from the spot where he was laying on the couch and just fist bumping me. I literally cried on the plane. It’s absolutely the reason I have trust issues. Hope you’re well!!!
Anyway, yes. Please, please, PLEASE end your date with a hug. If it goes well, a kiss is also chill. If you’re fucking wasted and it goes well, maybe you sleep with them. But at least you didn’t just high five!
Since I don’t have a date tonight and thus can’t put this into action*, I’ll tell a story that somehow never made it to the blog about the weirdest close to a date I’ve ever had! Yay, traumatic experiences.
*Unless… should I hug every person as they leave trivia? Y/N?
Back in June of last year, I matched with a super cute guy on Bumble – let’s call him Mama’s Boy. He asked me to meet him on a Sunday night at Quara – an Ethiopian restaurant – in Adams Morgan. I was… skeptical.
J – Isn’t Ethiopian food, like… not really a first date thing?
MB – Nope. It sure isn’t. I need to make sure you can hang.
Ok, sir, I’m up for your damn challenge. You’re talking to a girl who once drove to a Home Depot* (the WORST PLACE ON EARTH) in rush hour because I was complaining that I couldn’t find the lightbulbs I needed in CVS, my boyfriend at the time said “well, you could always come have your dad change them… I guess,” and I was so upset that he would even suggest I wasn’t self-sufficient.
*Home Depot ended up NOT having the lightbulbs either so I bought a cactus to
throw at him decorate my apartment, went home, and ordered the lightbulbs on Amazon. Home Depot smells like dirt and sadness and don’t you dare tell me otherwise.
So, yes. Ethiopian it was. I got ready for this date like any girl would – going to the gym, getting hopelessly lost in Safeway on a wild goose chase for quinoa, and getting a Safeway cashier’s business card. I then got home (very much needing to shower) and spent 25 minutes meal prepping for the week before I realized I needed to be there in 10 minutes and it was a 15 minute walk. No time to shower. OOPS! SORRY!
By the time I arrived, he was standing outside the restaurant and DAMN was he attractive. We hugged (also the best way to start a date! LOOKING AT YOU DAN.) and took our seats. When the waiter came around, MB ordered only water, and I followed his lead. Hey, Sunday night detox, right? We ordered our dishes, and he walked me through the steps of using the injera to eat my food (yes, this was my first time eating Ethiopian, don’t @ me).
Overall our date went super well – our conversation flowed easily, we were able to poke fun at each other in a flirty way, and although he lived with his parents… in Bethesda… he seemed to be moving out soon. We wrapped up dinner after two hours, he paid, and we were continuing the conversation when he interrupted me rather abruptly.
MB – Should we go?
J – I mean, sure?
From there, he walked out of the restaurant and turned left. I live to the right, so I yelled after him.
J – Hey, I’m actually this way!
MB – Oh, did you drive too?
J – No? I live a mile this way, haha.
MB – Aren’t you coming home with me??
UM. I HAVE ISSUES.
1) You LIVE WITH YOUR PARENTS. Taking me home to mommy and daddy on the first date? Seems a little soon, doesn’t it?
2) If you want to take me home, shouldn’t you ask me rather than assuming that’s the game plan?
3) If you’re tryna fuck, WHY DIDN’T WE AT LEAST GET DRINKS?
4) It’s the Lord’s day, sir.
I declined, and he acted all hurt before saying “Fine, then.” and storming off. No hug. No handshake, fist bump, or high five. Well, bye to you as well!
I think we all learned a lesson here. Never
get Ethiopian food on a first date try to bring your date home to your parents’ house without asking her if she’s interested first. And always hug after your dates because we are EMOTIONALLY CAPABLE ADULTS.