The next time your date vanishes from your life (much like my money at a Tobi sale), remember that it’s probably not you. It’s most likely one of the following:
- He got home and realized that he had a piece of broccoli wedged in his front teeth the entire time, and is now afraid to face you ever again.
- While you thought it was cute when you thought you saw a spider and shrieked and sent your fork flying into the air, and then the whole restaurant turned and looked at you, and then it wasn’t actually a spider, and you giggled, he um… he didn’t think that was cute. He didn’t think that was cute at all.
- He died.
- You talked about your SAT score too much.
- You didn’t talk about your SAT score enough.
- He’s legitimately terrified of the amount of alcohol you were able to consume without showing any effects of intoxication, and the effect that could have on his wallet going forward.
- You hadn’t showered in three days.
- He secretly has a wife and family and was trying to begin an affair, but upon interacting with your female innocence he decided he was wrong and is ready to turn over a new leaf.
- His phone got Y2K’d/was stolen by a ninja/fell in the toilet and he lost your number.
- You inadvertently meowed multiple times throughout the date.
- He didn’t like you.
He probably just died.